Results

And so the Stroke play section of the Club Champs concludes for another year. Congratulations to the winners in all the respective grades. It is interesting to note that only one golfer managed to finish under par for the 54 holes, and that was only 1 under . Well played to Officer X. Our course is generally considered to be at the easier end of the scale by top players, but I think it proved that with a bit of wind, and the heavier ground due to a lot of rain, the course can still provide a stiff challenge.

Also, it was good to see a reasonably large gathering on Saturday night to mark the conclusion of the Stroke play. Well done to all those who were there to acknowledge the respective winners.

So in three weeks we move onto the matches. What of the Naked Golfer? Well qualification in the top 16 is achieved, but without ever really threatening the leading players. I may have to start investigating some of Ozy Mandias' more extreme suggestions if I'm going to make any headway!

Good luck to all those who have qualified. As we move into spring I'm sure we will see a continued improvement in the golf course, and we should be in for some good golfing through September and October.

Remember, it's the winning, not the taking part that counts.

The Naked Golfer

Congratulations!

Well done to you readers who are still with me after my abrupt removal from the Club website earlier this week.

A wee touch of the over sensitive to criticisms methinks after some (mild) criticism of the golf course after the stroke play on the weekend.

Anyhow, The Naked Golfer ventured out to Thursday golf yesterday (the wounds from the Green keepers revenge having sufficiently healed) and was not surprised to find a sudden 5 shot improvement from my efforts in the club champs. Putts holed, balls bouncing favourably, the whole 9 yards. Will this change in fortune carry over to tomorrow's final round?

No, in a word.

Fingers crossed for fine weather. Let's get out there and enjoy our immaculate golf course. Perfect greens, beautifully manicured fairways, level tee grounds and subtly thought out hole locations. I look forward too it.

(Can I come back in from the cold now?........Please?)

Good golfing comrades

The Naked Golfer

Betrayed!

I should have known better.



A leopard doesn't change her spots, and a misbehaving putter doesn't start holing putts just because you give her a second chance.



After treating myself to three 3-putts on saturday, I thought "well, it can't be that bad again."



I was right. Worse. Four 3-putts on Sunday and no improvement on my decidedly mediocre score from Saturday.



Still, the stroke play is only qualifying for the match play right? Musn't peak to soon! With chances of a stroke play victory seemingly now beyond me, I can take some small comfort in planning for my assault on the match play (the proper club champs!). I am, happily, placed inside the top 16 at this point, so hopefully I will be able to hang in there next Saturday.

Still, big improvements will have to be made if I'm to make any headway in the match play. If anyone has any tips on how to improve without going to the actual effort of practising, I'm all ears.

I have to confess to being a little disappointed at some aspects of the presentation of the golf course over the weekend. I appreciate we had a lot of rain over the last couple of weeks, and all things considered I thought the greens were in acceptable condition. However, BECAUSE of all the rain, there were a number of muddy areas around the greens that weren't marked as GUR. In the view of the Naked Golfer, this is an essential part of tournament preparation, and areas of abnormal ground condition (not covered by casual water) should be clearly marked to allow relief.

Apart from that, just the general condition of the fairways was of some concern. The covering of grass on a lot of them (both old and new varieties) is "inconsistent", and that's being extremely generous. Many a time over the 36 holes did I find myself playing out of a less than satisfactory lie in the middle of the fairway. We must expect better than this in the height of our golfing season.

Also, some aspects of the course set up possibly left a little to be desired, so it will be interesting to see what sort of challenge we are presented with next week.

Some things there for committees and staff to ponder anyway as we move toward the big finale in October.

Finally, a welcome to Ozy Mandias who is now following the blog. Ozy is a noted blogger in his own right, so the pressure is now on the Naked Golfer to maintain a high standard. It's starting to look positively crowded up there in the "followers" column with the three of us up there.

Good luck to all of you still in the hunt as we head into the final round of stroke play on Saturday (alas, not I)

The Naked Golfer

The Big Day

Well here we are.

Today is the day the Club Stroke Play Championship for 2010 gets underway.

The Naked Golfer is intrigued to see whether his intensive regime of absolutely NO practice is destined to succeed. I fear it will not. However, positive thoughts must rule the mind today, and I'm already flicking through my mental music library to try and find something suitable for the occasion (see "Peaches En Regalia" post).

Whatever your own preparation technique may be, good luck!

Fingers crossed the Weather Gods come to the party and clear away this cloud, and the Golfing Gods are looking the other way as we try and get through the day unscathed.

Score updates tonight.

The Naked Golfer

Putters

I can't help but compare a golfers relationship with a putter to that of a relationship one might have with a member of the opposite sex.

For the purposes of todays blog putters will be referred to as girls; but for the female viewers please feel free to mentally insert 'men' where appropriate.

I am like a man who gets stuck in abusive relationships when it comes to putters. No matter how badly she treats me I find it very difficult to pack up and leave. She can be willful, disobedient or even downright unfaithful, and I will still take the blame upon myself.

"It's not your fault darling, it's me."

"I deserved that yip darling, don't you worry about it"

"No no sweetheart, it's not your fault we can't get the ball in the hole in less than 3 putts, that's me"

Other golfers don't seem to have this problem, moving happily from one girl (putter) to the next without the slightest hint of sentimentality.

"I got bored so I moved on"

"It just wasn't working out"

How do they do it? I would love to have such a carefree attitude towards my putters, but I guess I'm just not cut out that way.

I can imagine the rest of the clubs murmuring to each other about the putter; how she gets away with murder and is rarely reprimanded. Undoing all their good work in positioning the ball somewhere adjacent to the hole, only to sit and watch helplessly as she wreaks havoc with the scorecard.

The putter meanwhile sits aloof, up amongst the bigger clubs, ignoring the idle chatter of the irons and planning how she can cause me the most pain the next time we are together.

Well, enough is enough. I've decided to try a different tack. I've had an ex-girlfriend sitting in the basement for a year or two. We used to be close, but she was a tease if I'm being honest. She promised so much when we first met, but she quickly became cold and distant, seemingly immune to my advances of a happy relationship.

Eventually I summoned the courage to end things, and moved on to my current situation. Things have been OK with this new girl, but never great. We fight often, and have fallen into an uneasy truce of mediocre performance. I have decided I want more. I am leaving her.

In a desperate bid to resurrect things with my ex, I have paid for her to have some surgical alterations. I'm hopeful that by doing this she will be amenable to a reunion. I have cut off a little length (she has lost weight), and I have put on a brand new colourful grip (I have bought her new clothes).

She looks fantastic, and is sitting proudly back in the bag promising great things.

If I'm being honest, the irons are less optimistic than I that she will change her ways. They are still stung by her behaviour of a couple of years ago, and are less forgiving than I (despite Callaways' best assurances that they would be EXTREMELY forgiving. Liars.)

Anyway, I'm in that blissful early stage of a new relationship, and am totally confident that things will work out this time, as we blaze our way together to the club championship. Maybe.

I'll keep you updated.

The Naked Golfer.

Peaches en Regalia

Just a quick thought for today.

Have you ever noticed how you often play your best golf when you have some random thought stuck in your head throughout the round? Sometimes it can be a favourite piece of music which seems to be stuck on repeat. Unfortunately, it more often than not is the last thing you heard on the radio before you got of the car, such as that annoying radio commercial, or that song you really don't like. It doesn't always have to be music either, it can be anything at all really, and every time you make a swing on that particular day, there is that thought/song/commercial jingling through your brain.

You'd think it would be distracting wouldn't you? However the reverse seems to be true and, as I said earlier, we often play our best golf when seemingly "distracted" by this inane thought.

The answer is obvious of course. Clearly when our analytical mind is quiet and our brain is free to "play the radio" as it were, we tend to get out of our own way on the golf course and play a little more freely.

Unfortunately I can't seem to get the knack of tuning in to what I want to hear, and often end up with something hideously annoying, so this is my next goal; to learn how to "twiddle the dial" in my brain until my thought for the day is something I can live with.

Kudos to those who got the Frank Zappa reference in the title to todays blog. If I could tune my mental radio to the genius of Frank, I'd be one happy golfer duffing my way round.

Ten days until club champs kick off.

Still no practice to speak of. The more I try and change things the more they stay the same.....

Until next time

The Naked Golfer.

Golf Humour

Sitting here earlier today, watching the rain running down the windows, The Naked Golfer turned his thoughts from the cold outdoors to the world of golf literature. Mainly my thoughts were about how few good golf publications there actually are for the avid golfer; for someone who really knows and loves the game.

Of course there there are the odd exceptions, such as John Feinstein's excellent 'A good walk spoiled - Days and Nights on the PGA Tour' or his equally good follow up book 'The Majors'. I can also recommend William Hallberg's excellent golf novel 'Rub of the Green'. All of these are well worth looking out for.

However, when it comes to golf humour, I rarely (if ever) see it done very well.

So it gives me great pleasure to put you onto this little gem I have uncovered, which will almost certainly give you genuine laugh out loud moments, for those times (like today) when the weather keeps you tucked up inside.

It is a book by the well known American comic writer Carl Hiaasen entitled 'Fairway to Hell'. I was familiar with Hiaasen after having one of his novels, 'Sick Puppy', recommended to me in the UK a number of years ago. I had no idea from his previous work that Hiaasen was a golfer, and as it turns out, he isn't.

You know you're onto a winner when the first line of the book reads;

'In the summer of 2005, I returned to golf after a much needed lay-off of thirty-two years.'

For today I thought I would share with you a short passage from the book to whet your appetite. Whatever you have to do, get your hands on this book!

We all know someone like this, and more often than not, deep down, you know it's yourself. Replace the water with Out-of-Bounds and it could be any member at Tauranga!

"There's nothing as sickening in golf as the splash of a $4 (US) ball in a ten foot deep lake. That's why I reverted to my high-school custom of deploying 'water balls' on high risk tee shots.

"A water ball is any ball that you don't mind losing - preferably one for which you did not pay. Some golfers swipe balls from the practice range (attention Golf Fusion!) for use on water holes, but that's tacky. Besides, range balls take such a daily drubbing that they often lose their juice, and can be undependable on long carries.

"The ideal water ball is an inexpensive yet unmarred specimen that you stumble upon while searching the rough for one of your own. These little gems go into a special zippered pocket of my golf bag, along with some lower priced balls that I purchased at a discount sports store.

"The theory behind using water balls is to provide the shaky player with a perverse sort of immunity. It's a known golfing fact that the odds of dunking a ball decline in direct proportion to its retail value.

"This makes perfect sense, given the warped and jangled psyche of the average golfer. I tend to take a smoother, more relaxed swing at a found ball because, what the hell, it's a freebie. More often than not, I'll clear the hazard with yardage to spare.

"And the times I fail aren't nearly so aggravating, the sting of the drubbed shot being mitigated by the satisfaction of having just saved myself four bucks. That's the sort of pitifully contorted reasoning to which the insecure and inconsistent golfer clings.

"Acquaintances who are excellent players deride the water ball tactic, saying it fosters a defeatist attitude. They claim that taking a premium ball out of the sleeve an slamming it over a gator infested lagoon builds character and self confidence.

"Well, I've tried that and guess what? Hooking a brand new Pro V1 into the drink is like totaling a Testarossa while pulling out of the sales lot. It makes you want to puke."

The whole book is in much the same vein, and for someone who has only a passing relationship with the game, Hiaasen has a remarkable ability to get straight to the heart of the matter. So much so in fact that you will find yourself saying "Yes, yes that's it! I do that! I've seen people doing exactly what he's talking about!"

Also there is an amusing "Forewarning" to the book written by CBS commentator David Feherty.

Anyway, I hope you are able to find a copy and enjoy it as much as I have. Looks like a wet week ahead, so fingers crossed that whatever day (or days plural for the majority of you) is your golf day the golfing gods are on your side and keep things dry.

And yes, I have joined as a follower on my own blog so that "Chopper" isn't on his own up there.

Good Golfing

The Naked Golfer

Green Keepers Revenge and Pro Shop Comps....

The Naked Golfer had his first (and likely last) crack at the Green Keepers challenge on Thursday. These people have truly sick minds. Those guys down in the Greens shed must have had a lifetime of abuse from golfers or something because they really do seem to hate us don't they?

Joking aside, it was interesting to see how well our course can be defended from good scoring by some strategic (sadistic) positioning of the flags and an increase in the green speed. The call in my group whenever someone hit the green on a par 3 became "good luck for your 3" as opposed to the traditional well wish for the birdie.

All in all an enjoyable experience though, and long may it continue. (Although I will be scrutinizing my calendar very carefully before venturing out on another Thursday!)

Moving along, word on the street reaches my ears about some discontent around the way the pro shop runs the haggle on days where members are playing matches. The Mens committee has noticed, it seems, that a rule of golf (No33 if you're interested) is being breached whenever golfers enter the pros stable-ford comp on a day when they are playing a scheduled match.

Now, no matter what your opinion of this (for example you might think "So what? I like going in the comp. It doesn't make a difference does it?") there is no escaping the fact that it is not within the powers of any committee (well, possibly the R & A committee) to waive a rule of golf. No matter how insignificant it may seem, if a committee waives one rule because it suits them, where does it stop? Do we tee off 20 yards in front of the markers because we find a particular hole too long? Do we just pick up all the 4 foot putts and write down that we holed it because we're scared we might miss? Do we kick it out from under a tree because we don't fancy the lie? Of course not, and in the view of the Naked Golfer, this matter is no different.

The rules governing stroke play and match play are fundamentally different. There are different penalties for the same infraction in the different forms of the game, and for some rules you have different dropping options or suchlike for match play than you do for stroke play. Anyone who is engaged in a match as their primary form of play for the day, can't really put their hand on their heart and say they are having a formal stroke play round as well.

I applaud the honesty of the Committee in bringing up an issue that is obviously unpopular in some quarters. At the end of the day, we are all members of a golf club, and golf is the game we love and commit our leisure time to. We must follow the prescribed rules of our game, or else it's not really golf at all is it?

Anyway, it seems that some compromise has been reached in that the players who are involved in match play can still enter the side bets for the 2's and the hidden hole. Hopefully the people in power will get their heads together soon and clarify this so that the members can have some certainty moving forward.

I will also add that the club has a responsibility to reinvigorate it's match programme, so that members have competitions they are excited about being involved in, and take pride in the trophies they are competing for. It seems back to front to me (but understandable none-the-less) that members are more worried about a side bet in the pro shop than they are about their main club event. At the end of the day it's our club, we are the stakeholders, so if we aren't enjoying the product that is being served (not just in terms of club comps, but every aspect of club life) then we will make the choice to go elsewhere. Anyway, possibly a topic for a future blog!

So there it is, I have my first game of golf under my belt (albeit a fairly disastrous one) in the slow build up to the stroke play champs in 3 weeks time. Lots of work to do between then and now so I'd best get too it!

The Naked Golfer

P.S Welcome to the blog Chopper as the first official follower! Tell your friends.....

Welcome!

Greetings.

I am The Naked Golfer and welcome to my blog.

What is this all about? Good question!

The purpose of this blog is to invite you, the golfer, into the mind of one of your fellows. It is often said that golf is a game that is 80% mental (or is that 80% of golfers ARE mental?) however we seldom, or never, get the opportunity to peer into the inner workings of the minds of our golfing comrades. Well here's your chance!

As we move into this busy time of Club competition, with the Club strokeplay champs in August rolling into the matchplay champs in September, culminating in finals' day in October, I thought I would take the opportunity to record my thoughts and actions for posterity (and your amusement). You will have the opportunity to follow The Naked Golfer from now, as I start planning my glorious(!) campaign, right through to finals day and the hoisting of the club championship in my grade. (NOTE: May not actually happen)

Hopefully, by the end of this, you will have learnt that all golfers, whatever their level of expertise or experience, go through exactly the same things as you do. Sitting at work thinking about your next game (or your last). Re-living that perfect 7 iron you hit at that par 3, and not being able to help having a little smile at the thought. Fretting about that fizzing snap hook you sent into the racecourse off 13 last week, and how it's bound to happen again on Saturday, bound to!! And why am I off 13 again?! Every week! Raging internally and shaking a mental fist at the Golfing Gods as you trudge down to 13 once more, already saying "Provisional, Top-Flite 3" to yourself before you even hit the first one.

Oh yes my friends, I live in this head space as well, as do all golfers somewhere deep down (some are just hiding it better).

I will try my best to let you in on how I'm feeling as the rounds progress. I will analyse what I have done well and what I have done badly, and how I can improve. I will keep you up to date with any practice (snigger!) that I do before we get underway in August, and what is working well or not so well with my game. Mostly however, I hope that YOU will take something away from this, even if it's just the consolation that there's someone else out there suffering as badly as you are. Maybe there will be things that I do that you will want to adopt into your own game or routine (unlikely), or maybe you will just take a perverse pleasure in my failure to qualify and my slow decline into insanity as the 3 footers just continue to stay above ground.

Whatever it is you take from this, I hope you enjoy it.

Naturally as time moves on it will be increasingly difficult to keep my identity hidden. All part of the fun I guess. Obviously I won't be too precise with my exact scores, but will certainly give you an indication of how satisfied I am and where I'm standing relative to the competition. And keep reading, as there's every chance you may find yourself starring (under a code name) if we play together, or if some humorous misfortune befalls you that I shall be obliged to recount in the blog!

Finally for today, please don't read the blog hoping for some kind of technical instruction. I am a technical incompetent when it comes to golf technique. Basically, I know you hold onto the rubber bit, aim yourself in the general direction of intended travel, and hit the go button. I am not Jay Carter (small mercies) so he is the first name eliminated from The Naked Golfer suspects list. (I will not actually be playing naked, not that I have any aversion to nudity, in fact I'm all for it, but it would be too easy to spot me in the Saturday field). I can confirm though that I will be naked under my clothes.

Well golfers, good luck! I hope as many of you are making the effort to play in the Club champs as possible. It really is the biggest time of the year for the club, and the better we support it, the better it is. Remember, your name will be up on that board forever! And that's a long time.

See you on the fairways! (and the rough, and in bunkers, and under trees, and looking for balls in the racecourse, and most importantly, upstairs for a cold one afterwards)

The Naked Golfer

P.S Don't forget to leave your feedback! Stories about triple bogeys and temper tantrums particularly appreciated! Tell your friends.......