Of course there there are the odd exceptions, such as John Feinstein's excellent 'A good walk spoiled - Days and Nights on the PGA Tour' or his equally good follow up book 'The Majors'. I can also recommend William Hallberg's excellent golf novel 'Rub of the Green'. All of these are well worth looking out for.
However, when it comes to golf humour, I rarely (if ever) see it done very well.
So it gives me great pleasure to put you onto this little gem I have uncovered, which will almost certainly give you genuine laugh out loud moments, for those times (like today) when the weather keeps you tucked up inside.
It is a book by the well known American comic writer Carl Hiaasen entitled 'Fairway to Hell'. I was familiar with Hiaasen after having one of his novels, 'Sick Puppy', recommended to me in the UK a number of years ago. I had no idea from his previous work that Hiaasen was a golfer, and as it turns out, he isn't.
You know you're onto a winner when the first line of the book reads;
'In the summer of 2005, I returned to golf after a much needed lay-off of thirty-two years.'
For today I thought I would share with you a short passage from the book to whet your appetite. Whatever you have to do, get your hands on this book!
We all know someone like this, and more often than not, deep down, you know it's yourself. Replace the water with Out-of-Bounds and it could be any member at Tauranga!
"There's nothing as sickening in golf as the splash of a $4 (US) ball in a ten foot deep lake. That's why I reverted to my high-school custom of deploying 'water balls' on high risk tee shots.
"A water ball is any ball that you don't mind losing - preferably one for which you did not pay. Some golfers swipe balls from the practice range (attention Golf Fusion!) for use on water holes, but that's tacky. Besides, range balls take such a daily drubbing that they often lose their juice, and can be undependable on long carries.
"The ideal water ball is an inexpensive yet unmarred specimen that you stumble upon while searching the rough for one of your own. These little gems go into a special zippered pocket of my golf bag, along with some lower priced balls that I purchased at a discount sports store.
"The theory behind using water balls is to provide the shaky player with a perverse sort of immunity. It's a known golfing fact that the odds of dunking a ball decline in direct proportion to its retail value.
"This makes perfect sense, given the warped and jangled psyche of the average golfer. I tend to take a smoother, more relaxed swing at a found ball because, what the hell, it's a freebie. More often than not, I'll clear the hazard with yardage to spare.
"And the times I fail aren't nearly so aggravating, the sting of the drubbed shot being mitigated by the satisfaction of having just saved myself four bucks. That's the sort of pitifully contorted reasoning to which the insecure and inconsistent golfer clings.
"Acquaintances who are excellent players deride the water ball tactic, saying it fosters a defeatist attitude. They claim that taking a premium ball out of the sleeve an slamming it over a gator infested lagoon builds character and self confidence.
"Well, I've tried that and guess what? Hooking a brand new Pro V1 into the drink is like totaling a Testarossa while pulling out of the sales lot. It makes you want to puke."
The whole book is in much the same vein, and for someone who has only a passing relationship with the game, Hiaasen has a remarkable ability to get straight to the heart of the matter. So much so in fact that you will find yourself saying "Yes, yes that's it! I do that! I've seen people doing exactly what he's talking about!"
Also there is an amusing "Forewarning" to the book written by CBS commentator David Feherty.
Anyway, I hope you are able to find a copy and enjoy it as much as I have. Looks like a wet week ahead, so fingers crossed that whatever day (or days plural for the majority of you) is your golf day the golfing gods are on your side and keep things dry.
And yes, I have joined as a follower on my own blog so that "Chopper" isn't on his own up there.
Good Golfing
The Naked Golfer
The bay had a team playing in the Junior Quad at Whangamata at the weekend and with all the rain around one young man learnt something at a cost.
ReplyDeleteHis ball was lying semi submerged in casual water on the fairway. He reached over gingerly with a wedge and fished it out then dropped on the dry ground adjacent to the puddle(within a club length and his nearest point of relief) and stiffed it.Unfortunately he had failed to mark his drop area and his Auckland opponent claimed the hole much to his surprise.Perhaps the "naked golfer" would elaborate
Thanks for raising the point Chris. From the way you describe the incident, it sounds as though our unlucky youngster failed to mark (with a tee or similar) his nearest point of relief as well as similarly mark a distance one club length from that point to define his "drop zone"?
ReplyDeleteThis is an area that can sometimes be a bit lax, and it's an important technique which I would suggest all players of representative standard should be familiar.
The very first thing to do when taking a free drop of any kind is to mark the nearest point of relief. Do this BEFORE touching the ball but AFTER confirming with your playing partner that you are entitled to drop. You should then mark a second point ONE club length away (not nearer the hole) and drop between those two points. Ball back in play.