Putters

I can't help but compare a golfers relationship with a putter to that of a relationship one might have with a member of the opposite sex.

For the purposes of todays blog putters will be referred to as girls; but for the female viewers please feel free to mentally insert 'men' where appropriate.

I am like a man who gets stuck in abusive relationships when it comes to putters. No matter how badly she treats me I find it very difficult to pack up and leave. She can be willful, disobedient or even downright unfaithful, and I will still take the blame upon myself.

"It's not your fault darling, it's me."

"I deserved that yip darling, don't you worry about it"

"No no sweetheart, it's not your fault we can't get the ball in the hole in less than 3 putts, that's me"

Other golfers don't seem to have this problem, moving happily from one girl (putter) to the next without the slightest hint of sentimentality.

"I got bored so I moved on"

"It just wasn't working out"

How do they do it? I would love to have such a carefree attitude towards my putters, but I guess I'm just not cut out that way.

I can imagine the rest of the clubs murmuring to each other about the putter; how she gets away with murder and is rarely reprimanded. Undoing all their good work in positioning the ball somewhere adjacent to the hole, only to sit and watch helplessly as she wreaks havoc with the scorecard.

The putter meanwhile sits aloof, up amongst the bigger clubs, ignoring the idle chatter of the irons and planning how she can cause me the most pain the next time we are together.

Well, enough is enough. I've decided to try a different tack. I've had an ex-girlfriend sitting in the basement for a year or two. We used to be close, but she was a tease if I'm being honest. She promised so much when we first met, but she quickly became cold and distant, seemingly immune to my advances of a happy relationship.

Eventually I summoned the courage to end things, and moved on to my current situation. Things have been OK with this new girl, but never great. We fight often, and have fallen into an uneasy truce of mediocre performance. I have decided I want more. I am leaving her.

In a desperate bid to resurrect things with my ex, I have paid for her to have some surgical alterations. I'm hopeful that by doing this she will be amenable to a reunion. I have cut off a little length (she has lost weight), and I have put on a brand new colourful grip (I have bought her new clothes).

She looks fantastic, and is sitting proudly back in the bag promising great things.

If I'm being honest, the irons are less optimistic than I that she will change her ways. They are still stung by her behaviour of a couple of years ago, and are less forgiving than I (despite Callaways' best assurances that they would be EXTREMELY forgiving. Liars.)

Anyway, I'm in that blissful early stage of a new relationship, and am totally confident that things will work out this time, as we blaze our way together to the club championship. Maybe.

I'll keep you updated.

The Naked Golfer.